Culture of divorce

Awesome, just awesome article! Mr. Esolen lays out the case against divorce like a holywood attorney. As he builds his case, all I could do was jsut sit here convicted and say amen.

Where can one go to read more from the pen of this fabulous thinker?

Well, if you wanna reduce divorce, you'll have to remove the causes that trigger than evolutionary moral organs and behaviors that often lead to infidelity. That means wealth redistrubition, narrowing of status difference, and other unpleasantness.

Esolen hasn't written, in my opinion, so much about divorce; he has written about what love truly is.

Chris

Professor Esolen is a contributinng editor of Touchstone magazine and he frequently posts on their blog Mere Comments. Check out the archives of each for more of his writings. As you say, just awesome. I highly recommend taking out a subscription to Touchstone.

chris,
OR, you could move to RI and take an English course at PC. :)
"Anthony Esolen is a professor of English at Providence College"

That was an encouraging story for those who hope and for those who mourn. Thanks for directing us to it, Jeff.

I have Prof. Esolen's translation of the Divine Comedy but I am even more impressed by his poignant true life stories.

My parents have been married for over 50 years. Not ecstatic years either. And I have been married for over 30 myself. It is a struggle. This is not bliss but it is real life. Thoughts, or rather tempations, of divorce have entered my heart. And it is temptation. It is wrong and it does untold damage to children. When we marry, we can reasonably expect many joys but let no one be kidded, the cross WILL be there. And so we must accept the cross as well. Running from it to the arms of another is running from what is our sanctification and path to heaven.

And adultery is epidemic. That terrible sin that is lie and betrayal and the wounding of all the innocents that must step aside so one person can feed their lust as though one's happiness can ever be on the foundation of broken hearts.

The CAtholic church in America has not been helpful. Catholics divorce about as much as anyone for most are secular. The 'church' handed out about 50,000 "annulments" in 2002. I know one case of a deacon who was married for decades and raised 5 children and then claimed there was never a marriage! They did quite a job of play acting then. And we have divorced priests in our diocese as well. And on the front of the bulletin are two people ready and willing to help with your 'annulment'. One bad week in my marriage I went to the confession and the priest, who did not even know me, told me to separate. Just like that. And other priests have said to friends "oh, you have no marriage" and on with the 'annulment'. The children are left in the wake. And the loss of faith among the children of divorced people is astronomical.

So many church going Catholics are divorced and remarried and think it is fine. Do not need the Chruch to tell them what to do, one person said to me. On to Mass they go. The children no longer seem to be seen at Church though.

Thick or thin, good times or bad, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health---Herb lived it and he brought his wife to the Lord in the end and when he himself meets his maker, I imagine that he will hear "Well done, good and faithful servant." Love covers a multitude of sins.

Be not so quick to judge annulments. As someone going through one, I can assure you its no easy process. Sure there may be "easy" dioceses, and some priests are bad in some places. But where I am, I had a great priest urge me NOT to divorce.

In the end, after a year of waiting for my exwife to return, I finally filed for divorce, knowing that indeed she was not mentally stable, and that caused the dissolution. There are many people who are the victims in divorce, I am no angel, but I certainly was, as I was cheated on and abandoned.

I now am stuck with the consequences of my trusting someone, and I now am left outcast by some supposedly good Catholics who judge me that I am divorced though it was not my choice.

Certainly there are a lot of annullments here in the US, but there are a lot of marriages, which is better than in Europe, where very few people, even in supposed Catholic countries even bother.

While some annulments are unjust, the just and merciful annulment protects, and does not detract from, the gift of Holy Matrimony. Just as chaste celibacy for the Kingdom highlights and does not detract from, the gift of marriage.
I'm with you, Boots, regarding the faithful Catholics who, though knowing few or no intimate details about a couple, instantly condemn them for having received an annulment at the merciful hands of the Church. Their criticism can cause not only suffering among Catholics whose "marriages" have been annulled, but the continued victimization of families who might otherwise present themselves to the Church but have been convinced by their devout neighbors that the marriage vows are more important than ANY suffering, even the most cruel suffering of children.
Oh, well. I guess the only people who are aware of the need for the annulment process are those who have "been there" and those who share in the ministry. I am as thankful as a healed leper!
I wish that language would catch up with reality, though. As it is, we can only speak of our past in oxymorons like "annulled marriage" and "former spouse". I get tired of referring to the 'marriage-that-wasn't'. :)

I left the Catholic Church over its acceptance of my wife and her lover in spite of two decisions of the Roman Rota that upheld our valid marriage. Validity means nothing in the ENTIRE Catholic Church!!!!!!

I know the process. I know the corruption. I know the pastoral bent of the ENTIRE Catholic Church. Just listen to Benedict fawn over adulterers and their "hardships" but say NOTHING of those they have purposely, maliciously abandoned, including their children and who they frequently CONTINUE to persecute with the blessing of the ENTIRE Catholic Church. Unjust divorce should result in formal EXCOMMUNICATION, period. Everyone who supports it, materiallly, should receive the same!

Benedict is a disgrace as was John Paul II.

If that man had adequate guts, brains and a heart, he would meet with Bai MacFarlane, myself and other survivors of the Church "encouragement of divorce system", while saying otherwise, when he comes to the US in April rather than even speaking to those disgraceful men in mitres who encourage such sacrilege yet have the gall to offer the Holy Mass!

God bless you dear, Magdalen, for the truth you wrote!

It was because of articles like this that I stayed for years with a man who showed himself to be cruel and violent after we were married. I finally filed for divorce after he punched our two year old. I should have left to protect our children long ago, they have endured so much.

Bradamante,

The article in question was not a physically abusive situation, The
Church has never required that anyone in an abusive situation must
stay in it and in those cases a separation is in order and that they
may seek a civil divorce to protect their rights.

On the USCCB site:

Some people have experienced abuse in their marriage. They may
believe—erroneously—that church teaching on the permanence of marriage
requires them to stay in an abusive relationship. The U.S. bishops
have made clear that no one is expected to remain in an abusive
marriage. The bishops encourage abused persons who have divorced to
investigate the possibility of seeking an annulment (See When I Call
For Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women,
2002).

What the Church has said is that anybody who is indeed married is
married for life even if they must separate. The annulment process
can be used to determine this.

Thanks for your reply, and you are absolutley correct. However, condemnation is so strong in the Catholic culture that I have experienced growing up that I never even considered it for far too long. That divorce was wrong was taught. That one has a right to be treated decently, well... offer it up, turn the other cheek, remember the sufferings of Christ, think of the children... Since getting help, I have met other women who have been treated horribly. The advice we'd received was to hang in and pray. My objection is, I suppose, not so much to your article but the blanket condemnation of divorce that I have found so common from the Church.

Bradamante,
I hope that you will not be discouraged from looking into an annulment if that is what you are moved toward. When a spouse experiences a difficult time, or illness, etc, that is not the same as a person revealing his/her serious personality disorder or character defects after marriage.
You would be surprised at how many families keep their prospective in-laws in the dark regarding negative aspects of their relative until it's too late. I suppose they are being "loyal" or seeing their loved one's joy over being in love conclude that they must not spoil his/her chance at changing, or something.

Thank you for your thoughts,Joanne. I am not surprised at the "loyalty" you mention because it's really very common. Hope, or perhaps just wishful thinking, can be extremely resilient. As to annulment, my pastor predicts the speediest annulment in diocesan history as he counselled us and knows my spouse very well!

"My objection is, I suppose, not to your article but the blanket condemnation of divorce that I have found so common from the Church."

My experience is exactly the opposite and is one of the reasons I am a former Catholic. It is interesting that we have experienced things thusly.

I dunno, Karl. Generational, perhaps? Regional? My hometown is one of those urban industrial hotbeds of traditional and ethnic Catholicism.

Thought I'd mention too that I am still Catholic, I just think we need to do some things better. Some of our shepards can be pretty clueless and hurtful, but they're still the only guys who can consecrate, so I hang around.

Oops, that's SHEPHERDS. Sorry, guys.