GPS

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You're a Catholic and you take you faith seriously, yet sometimes you seem to be slipping backwards. You find yourself slipping back into old bad habits and not developing new good habits through virtue. You think you are doing fine and then you all of a sudden realize that you have gotten luke warm and have become a back slider.

If only you could get warning first before your prayer life goes into the dump and your faith becomes something in name only.

Here at Curt Jester labs which is always on the cutting edge of spiritual technology we have come up with an amazing new product.

The way to keep from back sliding is to continue to move forward and so wouldn't it be great to have a Grace Positioning System (GPS) that will track your faith life and give you advice on how to proceed through life. Our lab has developed a grace sensitive gyroscope that is feed information from Holy Scripture and Sacred Tradition. Through gyroscopic precession the procession of the Holy Spirit from the Father and the Son into your life is tracked.

When you start to back slide it causes our specially made gyroscope and accelerometer in our inertial guidance system. The inertial guidance system measures directly how inert you are to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. When it detects back sliding the negative acceleration is detected and you are immediately warned.

Even more amazing is that we have shrunk the components into a pocket sized system that you can carry with you.

The Grace Positioning System (GPS) also has some other great applications such as a Catholic Church finder that gives you directions to the nearest church. There is no better help to your faith life then frequent reception of the sacraments.

The GPS unit can even detect the Tabernacle and this is greatly useful when you want to find the Tabernacle in those churches where its location is not readily apparent or just plain hidden.

Audible directions can also be enabled. That the GPS unit always takes you through the way of the Cross and not the shortest route is a design feature and not a bug. Their are no shortcuts to the spiritual life and while the route taking by seriously following your faith might seem to be a difficult route it is actually the shortest route to get to Heaven. After all a GPS unit that can't help you get to Heaven is a seriously malfunctioning unit and missing the most important feature. The Grace Positioning System will often suggest that you merge since the right path is also a narrow one.

If St. Peters had one of our Grace Positioning System units he would have kept his eyes on Jesus instead of sinking into the water. Keeping your eyes on Jesus and neither turning to the right or to the left is the whole point of operation of our GPS.

So get your faith life moving in the right direction with Curt Jester Lab's Grace Positioning System and put back sliding behind you.

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17 Comments

Check or credit card?

I hope this will be standard equipment for all graduating seminarians. Also, maybe they can come up with a HPS (Heresy Positioning System) for existing curia, and the editorial board of Commonweal, America etc.

This version, of course would come with a Taser charge a'la the FSU student @ the John Kerry engagement today ;-)

I'd better get one for the car too.

Sorry Jeff, the Grace Positioning System has already been invented and I'm so happy with my first one that I married her eight years ago.

Will my GPS unit help me to avoid the wide gate and broad road that leads to destruction?

Jeff, can you work on miniaturizing these? Add a snazzy gold chain to it and everyone will want one. You could change the world.

I'll order two! Do you take American Express?

Will it warn about churches in the round and liturgical dance?

Dear Burnt,

This is your one-time at another blog foil, Karl. Please do not refer so heartily to "Grace Positioning". As my children say TMI. Remember, I am the guy who was divorced but repulsed the attack on his marriage by defending it before the Rota. So I can't think about such things. They could be a near occasion of sin. Please take this as the humor, it is.

My comment here is, are they manditory for tribunalists/canonists and their bishops?

God bless, and please pray for me and my family. My youngest daughter is heartbroken that I defected from the Catholic Church over its marriage practices. Me to but it is what it is.

Karl

I hope version 2.0 distinguishes between operating, cooperating, sanctifying, and irresistable graces.

I was planning a Gospel Positioning System.

Guess we don't need a God Positioning System as He is wherever we are :)

Does it come in blue? How much? you take visa right?

I'm holding out for the wrist-mounted GPS/KWWM
model (Keep Watch with Me). It applies e-stimulation (jolt, low voltage) if the wearer dozes or loses focus while in prayer.

zzzzt.

Yeah, seriously: check, cash, or VISA? ;-)

(Although, I must say: a spiritual director and a set of folks (friends, family) who aim to live by grace and will nudge you to keep running the race can do a decent job, in case you order a GPS and it gets misdirected in the mail for a few weeks.)

Another GREAT one, Jeff!

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Yes the Greek Captcha is a joke

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The Curt Jester

A former atheist who after spending forty years in the wilderness finds himself with both astonishment and joy a member of the Catholic Church. This blog presents my hopefully humorous and sometimes serious take on things religious, political, and whatever else crosses my mind.

My conversion story

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Blessed Miguel Pro, S.J.

Known as "God's Jester" was a martyr for the faith and a man of wisdom, fun, tricks, poetry, song, and dance. Thus seemed an appropriate Patron Saint of this blog.

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The Curt Jester: Disturbingly Funny --Mark Shea
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The Curt Jester is a blog of wise-ass musings on the media, politics, and things "Papist." The Revealer
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Blogging since:
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