Must Convert TV
ROME (Hollywood Reporter) - Days after Pope Benedict XVI criticized the media for its "destructive" influence, the Vatican on Monday announced plans to launch its first television network by the end of the year.
H2O will broadcast news and original entertainment programming worldwide in seven languages, according to a statement. Additional details were sketchy.
Over the years, the Vatican has been quick to adopt new technologies in its efforts to communicate with the world's more than 1 billion Catholics. In 1996, the Vatican introduced its Web portal nearly three years before the Italian state unveiled its own Web site. And it has embraced digital and satellite technology.
In a speech to the Vatican's communications department last Friday, the Pope called on the media to promote family values, human dignity and the common good.[Via Jay Anderson]
I am sure my readers can come up with a list of series they would like to see produced. I will start off with some of my own suggestions.
- Sixtus and the City - Set in Vatican City the show focuses on the lives of Pope Sixtus IV and his artist friends as they effectively start the Early Renaissance in Rome with the Sistine Chapel.
- Three's Company - This new sitcom based on Fulton J. Sheen's Three to Get Married explores the life and joys and tribulations of a couple as they effectively invite Jesus into their marriage.
- Vatican 5 - In this new Science Fiction story the Vatican has moved to outer space after a highly secularized Italy forcibly takes back the land formerly belonging to Vatican City. The story takes places in the Vatican 5 space station and the plot involves the mystery of the destruction of the previous 3 stations (Vatican I considered to be Vatican City itself.) The Vatican station is the center of political and theological intrigue and the coming battle between the Radtradians upset after the Vatican issued meditations for a space stations of the cross and the Cafeterians who are just generally opposed to the 3,000 years of consistent Church teaching and the Vatican's resistance to solving the priest shortage by the use of androids.
- Rome Improvement - The antics of a klutzy preservationist as he tries to restore frescoes and other priceless art using supercharged machinery not appropriate to the task.
- Doogie Howser, S.T.D. - A brilliant teenage theologian who graduated from the Gregorian and received his Doctorate in Sacred Theology at the age of ten has difficulties adapting and getting fellow theologians to take him seriously.
- The Frying Nun - A cooking show specializing in Southern cooking as hosted by Sister Fields.
- I Love Lucy - The trials of Lucy of Syracuse trying to remain a consecrated virgin while being pursued by a Pagan admirer who keeps repeating I Love Lucy.
- Monk - A priest in a monastery afflicted with obsessive-compulsive disorder goes around trying to solve mysteries. They first mystery he tackles is the Eucharist and each week he keeps tackling this mystery since he can never quite totally solve it.
- CSI: Vatican City - This crack team of Vatican medical consultants and other scientists review the records of alleged miraculous healing's in response to the intercession for the process of beautification and sainthood.
- The Father Brown Mysteries - G. K. Chesterton's Father Brown once again hits the airwaves as a freelance private investigator with his unique way of viewing the world and getting to the bottom of crimes.
- The Pius X Files - The series covers the work of a archivist in the Vatican's Secret Archives and his specialty in the life of Giuseppe Melchiorre Sarto who became the 257th Pope. His motto is "The truth is in here, somewhere If I can only remember where I laid it last."
- Walker, Texas Bishop - This larger than life crime-fighting apostolic successor with his Martial Arts abilities can kick your ass and then hear your confession and give you last rites.
Known as 
Do I need to subscribe? Vatican 5 and Walker Texas kick-ass bishop. Excellent.
My Favorite Martyr: The series centers around Tim O'Hara, who works as a reporter for The Los Angeles Sun. Tim stumbles across a time machine and rescues a would-be-martyr from Roman times. When they return to modern times the time machine breaks. While trying to fix the time machine Tim becomes friends with the martyr and begins passing him off as his Uncle Martyn. Hilarity ensues as each week Uncle Martyn attempts to become a martyr and Tim attempts to keep Uncle Martyn alive.
These sound better than most of the concepts for the fall TV series! ;) Other programs I'd like to see:
FOUND - The story of a group of lay Catholics who find themselves stranded on a remote island with a Beast that seems to manipulate them using knowledge of their every sinful inclination. They also must deal with a mysterious yet hostile group who have left behind odd items marked only with "We-B Church". Besides the suspense, there are many episodes dealing with the character's dark pasts, hopes, and struggles with each other.
HOLY GHOST WHISPERER - A drama about a Charismatic woman who suffers from laryngitis and her husband who struggles just to remember to say Grace before meals.
PIMP MY CHURCH -
A team of "Reform of the Reform" experts in architectural and liturgical arts transforms ugly, wreckovated churches into beautiful works of art, including high alters, communion rails, and beautiful tabernacles.
PREACH: Is the Vatican's top homilist a Russian spy?
GILLIGAN'S PARISH: On the cusp of the turbulent '60s, a pastor called "Skipper" must deal with a clueless associate pastor and an ill-assorted congregation.
DISPARATE HOUSELIVES: A documentary on the Church's different religious communities for women.
HOW I MET YOUR BLESSED MOTHER: The beloved Apostle recounts to his children in Christ how he took Mary into his home...
Kneel or No Kneel - Contestants choose from among 24 American Bishops and try to guess whether they allow Catholics in their diocese to receive Communion while kneeling.
Jeff,
This is humor-larious. Great post!!!
Another fine post Jeff!
Jeff, you are so silly. I love this one!!
I think the Shrine of the Holy Whapping already beat the Vatican to the punch:
http://holywhapping.blogspot.com/2007_01_01_archive.html#116331103210942185
SLIM & NUN: Sister Margarita runs a halfway house for ex-cons. But can she keep the madcap antics of the reformed burgler Slim Potawski in check?
TOUCHED BY AN ANGLE: Each week, a secular humanist learns a valuable life lesson as he encounters the geometric impossibilities contained in quantum physics.
SINN FELD: A crazy show about nothing, set in the Catholic slums of Belfast, where four friends (Gerry, Eileen, Seamus & McCreghmer) encounter the vaguaries of daily life.
DALLAS: Set at the University of Dallas, this program chronicles the Ewing family as they attempt to use their Pizza-empire money to take over the curriculum and move the University to Wyoming.
THE NUNCIOS OF HAZARD: What do you get when you make two good ol' boys into Papal Nuncios? Madcap hijinks! The two Nuncio cousins must try to outrun the Italian Freemasons in their custom Popemobile, while keeping Uncle Josef supplied with a steady stream of converts. Watch out for a special appearance by Cardinal "Cooter" Pell & his Holden Sport-Ute.
THE TENORS: A family of Mormon crime bosses guns down everything in their way while seeking to come to the top of the Salt Lake City underworld.
WELCOME BACK CURRAN: Charles Curran returns to the Catholic University of America after years in the theological hinterlands. He tries to continue his heretical ways, but a hilarious class of e'er-do-well orthodox seminarians keep him on his toes. Starring Pope Benedict XVI as the crafty "Dean" and Orlando Bloom as the wisecracking "Barbarossa".
CHARLES IN CHARGE: What was life like in the household of Charlemagne? Not as simple as you might think. Charles tries to keep his kingdoms together, and tries to show a little love to his pagan neices, somehow coming up on top despite the wacky miscues of his lovable pal Roland.
ERR: Not from best-selling author Michael Crichton, this gritty medical drama is set in an urban ER. Each week, a Catholic doctor choses to terminate a patient or encourage a teenager to have an abortion without parental consent, and is immediately excommunicated, and the city placed under interdict. Stars Nancy Pelosi in her first appearance as a Catholic.
Really, really funny. Both the original post and the comments.
How about a reality show like "Big Bishop", in which viewers get to vote one bishop per week out of the USCCB?
Or perhaps, "Who Want To Be Religious?", in which contestants spend several weeks in cloister, learning to live as vowed religious, competing for the prize of actually spending a year as a member of the order.
ALL MY CHILDREN: Follow uniform-clad, Miraculous Medal wearing Catholic school children through a typical school day in the Eternal City. Watch special field trips to Casa Gandolfo!
MY LITTLE SINNER: the comic misadventures of Scherrdi the Papal Cat, and how Pope Benedict tries to keep him a secret from his secratary, the cardinals, and most of all the German nuns who tend to his personal needs. This week's episode: trying to explain the cat hair persistantly found in the holy water...
Law and Orders:
The Catholic Church consists of two, sort of separate, and not remotely equal parts. One who actually determines doctrine, and one who (sometimes) shows some interest in enforcing it. These are their stories.......
1 verses 33,000: One Roman Catholic contestant must do battle against the "mob" of all other Christian denominations in order to take home the money! Number in the mob changes every week!
Bishop Swap: Watch as Diocesan Leaders swap loctions for two weeks! In episode one, Bp.Fabian trades his Nebraska prairie home to Cdl.Roger for the glitz of Hollywood. Talk about culture shock! Don't miss it!
America's Most Modest: An all new TV competition where whoever shows the least skin-WINS! Vote online along with our panel of faithful Catholics.
@This is a fabulous page! I will print it off and take it to the Rosary Group. they'll love it! We so seldom get a good laugh. Thank you
THE AMAZING GRACE Host Phil Keoghan sends 12 teams of two on a race around the world to pilgrimage sites.
M*A*S*S - Comedy about Catholics in a war torn Korea as they stuggle to live out holy lives and keep thier sanity surrounded by chaos.
LA Story - Comedy of a LA area Catholic trying to stay true to the faith with ever changing rules posted in sign over the freeway next to the big gymnasium, I mean cathedral.
I would watch most of these shows. So how do we get a cable TV network to produce and distribute?
Oh, these are FUNNY! Both the original posts and the ones that everyone else has posted!
LOVE 'Walker, Texas Bishop'....kick a-- indeed!
My big laugh of the day....ROTFL!