Shocking new birth control
Men in Serbia are lining up to have electric shocks delivered to their testicles as part of a new contraceptive treatment.
Serbian fertility expert Dr Sava Bojovic, who runs one of the clinics offering the service, said the small electric shock makes men temporarily infertile by stunning their sperm into a state of immobility.
He said: "We attach electrodes to either side of the testicles and send low electricity currents flowing through them.
"This stuns the sperm, effectively putting them to sleep for up to 10 days, which means couples can have sex without fear of getting pregnant.
"The method does not kill the sperm permanently and it does not affect the patient's health."
Dr Bojovic added patients were now lining up at his fertility clinic in Novi Banovci for the shock treatment, as it had none of the problems attached to using condoms, the male pill or having a vasectomy.
He added: "We are hoping to have a small battery powered version on sale in the shops in time for Xmas." [Source]
Cletus Huckleberry who sent me this link comments.
Something tells me that, unlike the pill and other popular methods of birth control, testicle shocking won't foster a great deal of dissent from Church teaching.
Cletus, however, thinks this is how contraception really ought to be: A frighteningly absurd act so obviously contrary to nature that no man in his right mind would ever consider doing it.
I am with Cletus on this and that this is symbolic of how contraception should really be. Something more closely evident that we are doing something wrong and separating ourselves from God. Though regardless of the appearance and side effects it will not deter many. The pill has many serious side effects that if they were connected with any other drug would have been banned by now. Even if every condom sold was lubricated with pepper spray it probably would not deter use much as you might think. Children are now seen as the greatest possible side effect that outweigh any others.
On a less serious note would someone remark that they have "stunning sperm?" What if the charge was too high and instead of stunning it resulted in death - could the manufacturer be charged with testicular homicide? Or would it be considered unmanned slaughter. What in the world are they going to call this product and how will the advertise it. A catchy name like Nutzap with Great Balls of Fire as the jingle - A little zap will do ya? Would repeated zaps cause a man to be irritable and testis?
Known as 
The phrase "testicular homicide" is either profoundly clever, or I'm profoundly immature, 'cause I'm giggling like a wee school girl.
I think we could spin this story to attract vocations to the priesthood.
Jumpin' gonads! Talk about taking the "zip" out of your "do-da".
Can't... make... sarcasm... Too many jokes to choose from... Head exploding
"Not tonight dear. My balls hurt."
:)
Tony said: "Not tonight dear. My balls hurt."
So simple and yet so profound. I can't stop laughing.
LOL, me either, Jay. It gives new meaning to the term blue ball.
Surely such a product could use a jingle:
If thinking of paternity is frightening,
But contemplating continence inflames you with a rash,
Then come to us, who've tamed and harnessed lightning,
And we will solve your problem with a crackle and a flash.
No unexpected offspring will entrap you
And terminate your lecherous adventures with a crash;
Just drop your pants and we will gladly zap you -
Then find yourself a willing girl and mount her with panache!
With your spermatozoa knocked unconscious
You will not need your prophylactics - throw them in the trash!
Enjoy a sex life active and rambunctious!
(We take all major credit cards, and also checks and cash.)
I remember reading a few years back about a physician who prescribed a series of hot sitz baths for her male patients who did not want to become fathers for a while.......seems that maybe the testicle shocks could eventually get to become exciting? certainly more fun than sitting in a hot sink for 20 minutes every night!
Ahhhh...."glow in the dark?"
Well, howzabout "well-charged," or "high-voltage" as descriptors? "You Light Up My ..." (even I can't fill that in here...)
"Something more closely evident that we are doing something wrong and separating ourselves from God."
Didn't you mean to say "Something that should make it painfully obvious that we are doing something wrong and separating ourselves from God"
?
Wait, if this is to be sold in America, all products need a warning label
For use by males only.
CAUTION: Do not stand in a puddle when applying the Zapper. Not recommended to use while watching Monday night football. Repeated use may cause hair loss (and scorching). In some instances, a child may result despite use of Zapper. If so, place child on recharger each evening for best results.
I love Bob the Ape's jingle, I'm just trying to place the tune. I'm thinking it has to be sung faster than 4/4 time.
"We are hoping to have a small battery powered version on sale in the shops in time for Xmas."
This season's must-have Christmas gift, I don't think.
Even if every condom sold was lubricated with pepper spray it probably would not deter use much as you might think.
That would depend on - ahem! - whether the pepper spray was on the interior or the exterior.
Well, Elinor, the thought of pepper spray on the exterior of a condom might not put a damper on a man's ardor, but it certainly gives me an instant headache! Ouch!!
Dear Teresa,
Glad you liked it. I'm afraid I didn't have a particular tune in mind when I wrote it. Any composers out there?
Apart from being amazed at the sheer idiocy of such a thing, I just can't get over the fact that men are actually doing this? Don't they usually let women take responsibility for family prevention? aren't they afraid for their... bits?
Bob the Ape wrote: "Glad you liked it. I'm afraid I didn't have a particular tune in mind when I wrote it. Any composers out there?"
Mmmmmm, how about "Gather Us In"....?
I now have that tune humming 'round my head (thanks a lot), and I think this puts it to better use.
Alright...admit it! Who else scrolled up and tried to fit Bob's poem with the tune "Gather Us In"? I did and it works if you shorten some of the words! It's kinda catchy!
This sounds more like some form of medieval penance or Roman torture than anything that could become popular - like something you'd see written about the Blessed Theophobos, Martyr of the Holy Bug-Zapper.
With reference to Alicia and the Sitz-bath method; it would be best not to combine the two techniques.
Mmmmmm, how about "Gather Us In"....?
(To the tune of "Gather Us In")
Here in this sac, spermies are swimming...
Helping our God, a new sould to make.
Here in my hand the zapper is flashing.
Ready, the will of God to forsake...
Zapping my nuts, the pain is excrutatin'
Zapping my nuts, beginning to moan.
Zap 'em again, my willie is wilting.
fire indeed in my flesh and my bone.
(Someone can take the next verse) :)
i'm not exactly sure whether i'm going to laugh or cry. the images in my head! aaargh!!!
If the doctor botched the job would they be guilty of "malepractice"?
I'm sorry, really I am.
I'm just waiting for the home kit. You know, battery and jumper cables...
I'm going now, I relly am...
Re: (Someone can take the next verse) :)
OUCH --- I think I'll just try to leave it at that.
I'm hurtin' just thinking about it and I weren't even born with them-thar particular parts!
(I will admit that half of the hurtin' is from lauging while trying to sing it)
[Still gasping with laughter --]
Oy, that gives a whole new meaning to the query re "do you have the courage to enter the song?"
How Christian is it to make such ridicule of others? How many of you self righteous really tow the line, really, when it comes to sex and birth control? Why is it so easy for you to bash others?
It gives a whole new meaning to James Kirk telling the crew to "set your phasers on stun"
Charlie wrote: How Christian is it to make such ridicule of others? How many of you self righteous really tow the line, really, when it comes to sex and birth control? Why is it so easy for you to bash others?
"Bash"? "Self-righteous"?
Aren't you being self-righteous in calling others self-righteous? Aren't you bashing people here by your accusations and demands?
Can you explain to me just how is it 'unChristian' or 'bashing' to point out the patent absurdity of hooking electrodes to one's testicles? Or hoping to produce a home version of shock-therapy *contraception* by *Christmas* - you know - Christmas? Nativity? *birth* of Christ? baby-in-a-manger?
Why are those here commenting on this pathetic stuff 'self-righteous' simply because we laugh at the bizarre things people will do to separate sexual activity from reproduction? Why is laughter so deplorable?
Can you explain this to me, please, so I can pass this valuable lesson on to my eight wonderful, loved and wanted children?
You know, not that it's not completely bizarre, but I don't think we should try to encourage the theme by making jingles to it using Church songs (atrocious though they are, *cough Gather Us In cough*). Someone who expects Catholics to be against this would come here and find us making jingles to a strange form of contraception and would say "look, even Catholics approve!"
or, I could be wrong. They might just look at us and say "dude, you're weird."
or, they might even suggest a new tune to sing it along to.
i cant stop laughing...
ps..im getting my boyfriend one for christmas...