Welcome Aboard the Sea Priestess
The trend in recent years has been to have women's ordination ceremonies at sea. Until now these ceremonies have been low-key on smaller boats such as in the following example.
While this option might be fine for some, why not go for the full extravaganza. We at Princess Priestess Cruise Lines are here to fill that niche and provide you with a quality and relaxing ordination experience. In fact send in your entries now for our priestess sweepstakes!
Yes you can win a seven day and seven night cruise on our latest beautiful addition the Sea Priestess. No more cheap river boats moored on the Danube River between Germany and Austria like the seven women ordained in June of 2002 or like the latest example in international waters between the Ontario and United States border. Do it with dash and panache with one of our custom packages.
With either our priestly or episcopal women's ordination packages you have your choice between a "women bishop" or your choice of a male bishop from a schismatic sect such as the Old Catholic Church. Your ordination will be videotaped from our crew documentary cameraman so that you can share the joy of your ordination with friends and others over and over again. Check out the colorful stoles worn by some our crew bishops! Our specially trained crew knows how to do it right and no one will bring up Ordinatio Sacerdotalis while your with us.
After your ordination relax and join into our karaoke party and sing songs such as On Eagles Wings, Ashes, and Faith of our Mothers to your hearts delights. We also provide a free snack bar with crackers and kool aid.
Ordinations can be really long and tiring so we provide special mattresses made out of felt banners with those syrupy messages you learned and loved in 1970's Catholic schools. Here are some recently ordained women enjoying their nap time.
After a restful nap come to our chapel and celebrate your first Mass and select from a range of stoles from simple white to color coordinated stoles, shoes, and handbags.
And to make your ordination experience complete we will include a framed excommunication letter from the Bishop of your diocese at no extra cost! So why wait? Act now, after all Pope Benedict XVI isn't going to change Scripture, Apostolic tradition, and 2000 years of constant teaching just for you anytime soon. Nothing to lose but to enjoy your very own ordination cruise with memories and keepsakes for years to come. Instead of being a stowaway you will be a stole-away from becoming a priestess. Instead of the Holy See be on the Holy Sea on the Bark of Petrina.
But that is not all! Check out our Olympic size baptism pool! Nothing is like a full immersion baptism off a diving board. Start with your first sacraments in style. We at Priestess Cruise Lines will do everything to make your ordination cruise memorable and fun. So call now while it is still summer for our latest priestess cruise package.
* Hat tip to RC at Catholic Light for suggesting something along this line to me.
Known as 
ROTFL. Another classic from Jeff!
(BTW, there are a few words that are repeated... like 'moored moored' and 'our our'. Just wanted to point that out)
This may be your best yet!
Several years ago, being young and stupid, a buddy of mine and I took a class called "Sex, Gender, and Power"--Feminism 101--at a local community college. One of the class exercises involved people in the class naming gender stereotypes. A man and a woman were chosen to go to the board and write down the sterotypes. Some obese lesbian was chosen for the dolls, and she wrote over her column on the board, "WOMYN." What choice did I have, then, as the dudes' representative, but to write over our column, "MYN"?
Act now, after all Pope Benedict XVI isn't going to change Scripture, Apostolic tradition, and 2000 years of constant teaching just for you anytime soon.
Darn! LOL
Very clever.
And very sad, too, those pictures.
Just read a very good response to Chittister, here
I laugh and cringe at the same time. Of course I realize your being satirical, but these folks are forging a chain heavier and hotter than, I daresay, even the likes of mass murderers and rapists because they make a mockery of God himself and re-cast God and His Church in their own image more directly and diabolically than do murderers and rapists.
Poor, unfortunate souls, so deluded and confused.
In addition, the ship could provide a LONG list of alternative-flavored sacramental wine (strawberry, blueberry, twitberry, and (NEW! EXCITING!!) Here-berry, not to mention a tasteful array of "breads" for communion, many of which are used by unindicted co-conspirators in the Archdiocese of Milwaukee.
Should this ever get wide publicity, the "Womyn's Ordination Movement" will fade out quicker than Pee Wee Herman and Tiny Tim. They simply cannot have the spotlight on them without evoking first of all laughter and then utter boredom.
Is it Princess Priestess Cruiseline or just Priestess Cruiseline?
What?! No "liturgical" dance party during the cruise?
Seriously... more nonsense of this type is happening in... St. Paul/Minneapolis!! Good grief. The wife of a permenant deacon (yes, a real deacon!) is going to be "ordained" a "transitional deacon" next week (with her husband's blessing... scary!) and plans on being "ordained" a priest next year. Our local news station did a story on this that aired last night (one that favored the woman of course) and they included interviews that they did with some young adult friends of mine, who stood up for truth even though the media edited them into nothingness.
Growl. Anyway, find out more at my blog, http://veritatissplendor.blogspot.com/
St. John Vianney, patron of parish priests (valid ones!), pray for us!
Why're these womyn who wanna be priests always ugly?? I've been noticing that with protesters too. They're all unattractive, and it's not because there's something physically wrong with them, it's like something they exude... and with how they take care of their physical appearance.
Nice job, Jeff.*g*
God bless, Maureen Martin
Must acquire attack submarine....
Yoho, yoho, a pirates life for me.....Why? Because that's what these people are! Pirates. They are robbing the Catholic people, the church, and anyone stupid enough to listen to anything they have to say. They didn't miss the boat...they absconded the boat and the dignity of the Church.
Karaoke: why didn't I think of it -- the opportunity to have a solo! It's perfect.
Jeff that was brilliant! To consider the ordination of women in the Roman Catholic tradition is indeed a mockery of God. As the Renegade Protestant (so dubbed by the SoDakMonk, whose blog is now defunct) I can accept it in Protestant denominations, but fully understand the heresy and contempt it expresses for the Roman Catholic tradition. But that is the essence of modern liberalism, scorn, repudiation, mockery, and rejection without reason.
Will Fr. Richtsteig accept a non-catholic crew member? I'd be happy to arm or fire the torpedos. Or simply sweep the heads.
"After a restful nap come to our chapel and celebrate your first Mass and select from a range of stoles from simple white to color coordinated stoles, shoes, and handbags."
Let's not forget: "Clown Liturgy Presider costume with full clown makeup" as an option. The cruise line will even provide the pizza for her to "consecrate". :)
Why do these womyn think that being a priest is such a power trip anyway?!
They should all be made to sit down and read The Power and the Glory, Diary of a Country Priest, and Come Rack! Come Rope!... and then see if they still want to be ordained. Yeesh.
Can you imagine all of the sensible shoes lined up at poolside?
Bravo! Humour is still the best medicine!
Waiting for a theological iceberg to come along...
Brilliant! I laughed so hard while reading this.
I'm sorry I missed this post, Jeff. Just picked it off today's post. I like the idea of the free framed excomm letter.