Caption Contest

"So we'll be taking what off today, an inch? Your hair seems a bit dry, have you been using conditioner like I told you?"

Koko like grooming.

Raelian Catholic priestesses use brain-altering powers to prepare disciple for "reunion" with the Mothership

"May the Spirit of the Great Gaia Creator come upon you."

I may be showing my geek roots, but an "8-bit Nintendo video game" wouldn't be able to show that head. The NES could define color palettes of only 48 colors and 5 grays, and one can only display about 25 colors on the screen simultaneously, without horrible hacks. Everything displayed on the screen was made of 8x8 pixel characters, and each character could only have 4 colors (3+transparent). There's too much color diversity in that image to be displayed on the NES.

SPOILER ALERT: Industry insiders released on Thursday this vidcap of the end cutscene from the long-awaited "Legend of Zelda: The Ordination of Womanador."

"Beam me down, Scotty.

The Master of Ceremonies leans in and says, "I think you are pressing down too hard."

"Now hold still. Lice are tricky. I have to get a close look to see the little buggers..."

[ROME] Vatican officials deny any involvement in a recent attack to "wipe their faces off the face of the earth" in regards to women seeking ordainment into the Roman Catholic Church. Father P., who wished to remain anonymous stated, "As you can see by the photographic evidence, they are doing these works to themselves, and thus wiping themselves completely out of Eternal rewards."

"Hem the bottom of my bizarre rob well, or I shall smite thee."

Drats! I really need to get that crystal ball repaired. :o)

"Hem the bottom of my bizarre robe well, or I shall smite thee."

"Girls! Time for dinner!"

"But Mom, we're playing church!"

"Feel the Power of the Dark Side!"

or

"By the power of my own feminine genius as recognized by the Scowling Coven of WomynChurch, I hereby nurture and celebrate the goddess within you! Cookies and enneagram will follow in the parish hall."

I wonder why we can only get women with scrambled brains to do this?

Sorry, but the "supposed" priestesses in the picture don't seem to "shine" w/happiness and love .... they look pretty stern and a bit angry .... spooky.

Someone forgot to wash her hair!!

RE: "not looking happy" - maybe they're not looking forward to the enema-gram afterwards. (And what an "anal" idea it is... Discrete Math meets the Horoscope! Why 'nine' for Sagittarius' sake? Hee hee.)

Say - when such beings are upset about not being NFL linebackers, do they put on shoulder pads and helmets, then tackle dummies and run through tires? At least linebacking is ontologically possible for anyone... Golly. Why aren't they whining about not playing in the Superbowl?

Ahem. (hee hee!) Now, for some caption suggestions...

"Slytherin Graduate Transfigures Muggle Into Amorphous Blob"

"University of Circe Confers Degree in Swine-Making"

"Wicked Witch Trainee Produces Winged Monkey"

And (as you might expect) a GKC rebuttal:

"The creed was like a key in three respects; which can be most conveniently summed up under this symbol. First, a key is above all things a thing with a shape. It is a thing that depends entirely upon keeping its shape. The Christian creed is above all things the philosophy of shapes and the enemy of shapelessness." The Everlasting Man CW2:346-347

But GKC has another, perhaps even more relevant comment on the mystery at the root of this matter:

"If a woman were blind, the good wonder-workers would give her back her eyes; if a man were halt, they would give him back his leg. But they did not, I think, say to the man: "You are so good that you really ought to be a woman"; or to the woman: "You are so bothered it is time you had a holiday as a man." I do not say there are no exceptions; but this is the general tone of the tales about good magic. But, on the other hand, the popular tales about bad magic are specially full of the idea that evil alters and destroys the personality. The black witch turns a child into a cat or a dog; the bad magician keeps the Prince captive in the form of a parrot, or the princess in the form of a hind; in the gardens of the evil spirits human beings are frozen into statues or tied to the earth as trees. In all such instinctive literature the denial of identity is the very signature of Satan. In that sense it is true that the true God is the God of things as they are - or, at least, as they were meant to be."
GKC Illustrated London News Nov 22, 1913 CW29:588

Tony C beat me to it:
"Girls! Time for dinner!"

"But Mom, we're playing church!"

So how about:

At least they can't become Knights of Columbus!

OOOOOMMMMM ... think women priests ... OOOOMMMMMM ... think women priests ... OOOOMMMMMM ... think women priests ... OOOOMMMMMM ... think women priests ...

"I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!"

"Wherever DID you get that AWFUL hairdo! Such an interesting monster too.. my stars.. if an INteresting monster can't have an INteresting hair doo.. i dont know what I'd do... "

"After we analyze the bumps on your head, we will need your date, time and place of birth to see if you are truly worthy."

"I think I can. I think I can. I think I can."

What's funny is that I used to play church as a kid.... I would pretend to be the priest (as I was the oldest, and had my own Bible), and we had Pringles for the hosts and Sprite for the wine. I got over my desire to be a priest when I was about 12... by the time I hit puberty, I was done with play-acting.

(yes, I'm female)

"I lost my magic glass ball. Can I use your head instead?"

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto"...

"hubble bubble toil and wubble, i'm a fake and will be in trouble"

Next on an episode of "Prots". Bad girls, bad girls, what you gonna do - what you gonna do when they excommunicate you.

"Our vatican spy cannot be identified lest her security be compromised"

"Just checking your temperature honey, looks like you have a fever"

"You will grow no taller than this"

"Not quite what I expected after unravelling the bandages"

And now the transformation is complete. I , yes I, am now Father Blanton, and you, you are Ida Rosenbalm eucharistic minister and liturgical reader extraodinar!!! Muaaaaahhahahahaha!

I was raised Irish Catholic, went to CCD every Sunday and all that, but gradually drifted away. Lately I've been re-considering my faith... but I ran across this web site and the comments on this first story have left me aghast! I am seriously shocked by the seething belligerence. I really thought that Catholics were better than this.

I have made my decision now, that I wish to have nothing to do with the Catholic church. I'm certain that this decision will be met with more insults directed towards me.

Hello Julia! Belligerence or taking the piss? Don't come back to the Church for the other Catholics, we're quite likely to be worse than you. Come back to the Church for Christ. He's not.

And he puts up with us.

"Dogs declare selves cats, start licking selves more often and jumping on the counter top to prove it."

I agree with berenike. Any conversion for which the basis is "hey! other catholics are nice" is almost bound to be lousy and uncomitted.

awesome post, lucy.

julia, is that you?

Julia, this site is mostly about humor. We are not angry towards these women or belligerant, merely bemused and somewhat saddened.

Does humor in general make you feel uncomfortable?

It is very odd, and more than faintly humorous to see someone playing at ordination.

The words of investiture were probably these: "The shalom of the holy; the disclosure of the gracious shekinah; divine wisdom; the empowering matrix; she in whom we live and move and have our being--she comes; she is here!"

It's so obviously non-Christian. Notice no mention of the Holy Spirit. No mention of Jesus.

Taken from... http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0MKY/is_13_28/ai_n6245102

"Father, ma'am? Sorry to interrupt. The local high school called; curtain's in ten minutes and they need us to return the Technicolor Dreamcoats."

or

"You know, Sinead, you could at least have kept your head shaved."

"This is your brain on womens ordination."

I'm Melting! I'm MELLTINNGG!

Caption: Janet Reno examines heads of Dade County voters for Mark of the Beast.

Julia: the above is banter.

But I must confess, if my husband tried to walk into Mother Angelica's convent and attempt to join her order of sisters, she'd give him a good clouting. Then he'd get one from me.

"Our minds are becoming closer... Our minds are merging..."

Building on Tony's comment...

"Aiiee... the pain! So... much... pain!"

...One potato, two potato, three potato...four...

>

I'm gunna wash that man right out of my hands, I'm gunna wash that man right out of my hands. :o)

Hmm. I was a lapsed Catholic and came back, and one of my delights was the sense of humour among members of the Church. I had been sucked into the idea that Catholics were a humourless lot, but I think they (we) laugh most about what hurts us.

"Stop stewing Helga,... after I make this one disappear we're off to the US to catch 'The Vagina Monologues' at one of their catholic colleges."

Dear Lucy,

The True Church has been in the desert of marginalization and ridicule for many years now. Don't look to the buildings and robes that once "housed" the True Faith. This is a time (and has been since the 60's) of great apostasy, as was foretold in Sacred Scripture and in reliable private revelations throughout the centuries. I am 54, and a convert of 19 years. You will find that Catholic Church that you seem to long for among those labeled "traditional" Catholics, and even in that general realm, you must step wisely. Sometimes we take the sword of Catholic Truth to our enemies... at other times, when they "revel in the sun", we give them the "moon"...so to speak. Don't let the battle deter you Lucy... come home!

"I sense that you are angry that the all male dominated Roman Catholic Church has denied you the right to become a priestess, according to the order of Mother Joan Chisstler. You must assume that you are like her, a goddess, who leads her people to full salvation through the subsciption to the National Catholic Reporter and through the full participation of the Holy Menstration Cycle of Women Church where our fellow sisters gather to express their feminine encantations. Let this red robe remind you that you are enpowered to be like her: bitter, angry and a prophetic voice crying out in the wilderness: prepare ye the way for Mother Joan Chisstler for yet she comes to set the male dominated Church free from its bondage of sexism, from its beleif in One God and its insistance on following the teachings of the all male dominated Roman Catholic Church.

May the goddess Mother Joan Chisstler be with you all."

Lucy,

Don't know if the last post by "DJP" was intended for you or not...? But, this at least gives you a sense of what authentic Catholics have to waste their time on these days. And why we sometimes resort to humor, since no other response is called for, or possible.

I think somebody's off their medication...

Ok let's get something straight here. I am a craddle Catholic and darn proud of it. I went to parochial schools most of my life. I was taught by the Sisters of Mercy, and the Marist Brothers. I married a none Catholic and through prayer, and in giving my husband to the Lord,( and in his time,) he became a Catholic 5 years ago. We go to a very conservitive Roman Catholic Church. My son was an alter boy until he went into the Navy, (no alter girls). We all cheered when they elected Pope Benedict XVI. I don't believe in cafeteria Catholicism, and I hope our New Pope knuckles down on liberals, and the like. I would die for my faith, and may someday have to.

But this is a humorous contest here. Remember??? I put humor into my posts. If someone has taken offense with them, well go pound sand in your.....navel.

Duck... duck... duck... GOOSE!!!

May God Bless your theology, ecclesiology and spelling.

Apocalypse 18:1-5

Looks like I stepped in a cowpie.

I posted this as a response to the request for humor, not as response to any other postings.

It's odd though. You would think that those who really want women in the priesthood would at least try to immitate the Rite. I mean they really do look ridiculous.

BarJones, no you didn't. I just felt by my goofing around I had painted the wrong picture of who I am, and I found it nesessary to lay it all out there. You didn't step in a cowpie, you just found yourself checking your shoe is all.. Blessings.

From this day forward, call yourself "Darth Betty"!

I must admit, I was so sickened by the picture (above) that I caved in to venting my anger through the caption I offered. Following that, I meant to offer a charitable response to "Lucy"... Now that we're "down the road a bit", I don't understand your humor any more than I would understand a giggle in Gethsemene.

We should each study Chesterton a bit, to learn about the proper application of humor. But, thanks for your follow-up's.

"Ok, so for the whole 'bread-to-Jesus' thing, you're saying DON'T use the word 'abracadabra'?"
"Only if it makes you feel spiritually uplifted to do so."

You are taking this beyond the realm of satire, which is all it was ever meant to be. I don't even see the comparison to "a giggle at Gethsemene?" (how utterly cruel) And I really don't see the need to study Chesterton to find the proper aplication of humor. You just don't have any, nor did Chesterton. This was humor, and you have turned it into an ugly attack. I'm at a loss as to what else to say to you...

"He is a (sane) man who can have tragedy in his heart and comedy in his head" ~ GK Chesterton

With looks like theirs, they're destined to be celibate anyway, at least we should thank BBC by being charitable to us by blurring the pic.

Bob, that was an excellent burn! Made my day!

From the article:

"She said she did not wish to be identified because she feared losing her job teaching religious education"

Great, here is where the real subversion is......

If this is true, does she really think no one will see this picture, or find out who she is? Maybe someone should pass this little treasure along to someone in the UK. I'm sure she'll be known faster than you can say, " I got canned from being a religious education teacher".

"giggle in gethsemene" is a use of hyperbole to make a point... nothing cruel intended, but something fitting applied. I don't see the crisis of the last 40+ years in the Church as a wine and cheese affair, where witicisms are exchanged like pennies for applause... a thinly veiled cynicism.

"But shun profane and vain babblings: for they grow much towards ungodliness" - St. Paul

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful". - Proverbs

Knowing our own weakness, we should pray for one another. A "pound of flesh" will not suffice for the journey.

Pray for you? Yes I will and for your happiness. I can't play with hyperbolic statements. I don't see the humor in them as you do I guess.

A real life Picasso

"We geniuses pulled a fast one on Benny, eh? So what do you think of my hair? Yours is hideous."

Personally, I am of the opinion given by Aristotle:

"Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit."

There's a time to be serioius, and there's a time to just look around and laugh. So kick back and relax for a bit.

After the Litany of Heretics, The high priestess evokes the Amazon Goddesses to liberate these "chosen" women from the power of male domination.

"Let's see here....the last lego piece goes right here. Who knew we could build a lego man?

Do you wnat this woman to be your child's DFD?

On this segment of "Where are They Now?" we catch up with Martina Navratilova.

*shake shake shake* "hmm.. 'outlook not so good.'"

"You must be THIS TALL to ride the Apostasy Roundup!"

"I think a butterfly stitch should close that gash."

"I'm reading... yes, you will have good fortune some day!"

I baptize you in the name of the Mother and the Daughter and the Holy Spirit. OK?

"A distortion of Church teaching."

I'm sorry if I offended anyone for my comment up there on their physical properties. But on a closer look:
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/files/photos/L/LYO10207021724.html?SITE=1010WINS&SECTION=INTERNATIONAL&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

THEY ORDAINED A MAN!

Julia,

Not that you're going to come back and read this, but I really have to say something.

As ecstatic as it would make me if you came back to the One True Church, your heart is not in it. You would find too much that hurt your "feelings" and "upset" you. Protestantism is a pretty good cure for that. No regulations, no time-tested values, and no tradition! None of that extra, inconvenient stuff.

And I am so proud of the people that have posted messages here. Catholics have probably the best sense of humor on the planet. Look what we've had to put up with all these years! Plus, who can be all melancholy and morose when you have the Real Presence?? I mean, the Holy Family knew how to party. Look at the Wedding at Cana!

Mary: Jesus, they're out of wine.

Jesus: Mom, not right now.

Mary: Hey you guys over there!

Jesus: Mom, no, mom, wait... ::defeated sigh:: Alright boys, this is how we're going to do it. Do you have jugs of water?

Servant: Uh, yes.

Jesus: Alright, we're done! Back to the feasting!

Drunkard in the corner: DUDE, THIS STUFF ROCKS!!

So, Julia, if you'd rather go to where it's NOT at, miss out on the whole "wonder and awe" thing, and do only what you like and not take part in the infinitely wonderful plan God has for you, then go ahead. I'm sure the demon on your shoulder is laughing hysterically right now.

As for me? I'm sad for you. Really truly. Because I'd hate for you to miss this. You've missed so much already.

~Pax Christi~

And now for my caption!

"By the power I've vested in me, I declare you Bobo of the Testicularly Challenged! Sue, get me another one of those nifty tarp things."

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