Biblical Mothers
The Summa Mamas, always an enjoyable read, has posted some humor on mothers from history. To which I now add my own.
Apostle John's Mother: Stop reading all of those horror comic books, it will give you bad dreams.
Jesus' Mother: Okay I know your God, but you still have to clean behind your ears.
John the Baptist's Mother: No kid of mine is going outside dressed like that. I don't care if the other kids are also wearing camel's hair. You are just always losing your head.
Samson's Mother: Your going to sit still for the picture of your first hair cut and I do not want want to hear anymore "But I am a Nazarite" stuff.
David's Mother: Get out into the field and tend the sheep. All of your practicing on the harp in the garage will come to nothing. There are millions who try to become the King's harp player to soothe the King and their now living in the poor district. Stick with sheep son.
Solomon's Mother: I am getting tired of going to all of your weddings. This constant planning and help with every new wife is just so time intensive and draining. Why can't you only have eight wives like your father?
Elijah's Mother: Always work hard son. God is not going to provide you with a Golden Chariot.
Joshua's Mother: You need to prepare yourself, time doesn't stop for anyone.
Moses' Mother: I was always planning on you going on a nice cruise, sorry it had to be like this.
Moses' Mother Part II: You have to learn to swim. It is not like the sea is going to part for you.
Abraham's Mother: All this traveling and your self-importance of being the father of nations, and yet still you have not given us any grandchildren.
Isaac's Mother: All father and son trips aren't like the last one. Next time your father asks you to go up a mountain carrying wood on your back, just ask him if you can go fishing instead.
Shadrach's Mother: Careful with the Bar-B-Que grill, you'll burn yourself.
Methusulah's Mother: Your already 180 years old. Don't you think it time to settle down and have a family before you get to be be middle aged at 400?
Cain and Abel's Mother: Eat your fruits or you get no dessert.
Update: Commenters have added some of their own biblical mothers.
Known as 
Very good, Mr. Miller. You always crack me up!
And, thank you for your kind words. You're sooo coolmoe!
Cain and Abel's Mother, Part II: Quit that wrestling before someone gets killed.
Jonah's mom: Suure, honey. Now tell me where you REALLY were for those three days and nights!
Stephen's mother: I'm sure little Saul is a nice boy once you get to know him.
Joseph's mother: Nobody likes a show-off, dear.
Judith's mother: Now, sweetheart, let me share with you of some ways to deal with fresh men.
Zachariah's mother: Cat got your tongue, honey?
Goliath's mother: You may be tall and strong right now, but every warrior has his weak spot. Don't forget what happened to Achilles.
uhhh, shouldn't that be Isaac's mother, not Ishmael's?
Alicia,
Thanks for the catch, and I have corrected it.
I caught that too, Jeff; but I didn't say anything because I figured that after hearing what happened to Isaac, Hagar wouldn't be so eager to send Ishmael off for a spot of father-son bonding, after all.
Samson's mother:
"Quit running around with that sharp ass's jawbone! You'll put you eye out!"
Or what about the saints' mothers?
Jerome's mother: Stop speaking to other people that way or I'll wash your mouth out with soap!
Jael's mother: If there's one thing I know I've taught you, it's how to be a gracious hostess.
Noah's mother: I said, come in out of the rain!
Daniel's mother: I don't care what the writing meant. What I want to know is, who's going to wash it off the wall?
Jeremiah's mother: No one likes a whiner, dear.
Luke's mother: So being a doctor isn't enough, you have to be a writer now?
The young man in the garden's mother, on his return: Don't tell me. I don't want to know. But this is the last time you're going out with those Galileans.
Special St. Thomas edition:
St. Thomas the Apostle's mother: "You touched Him? Promise me you'll call your AA contact!"
St. Thomas Aquinas' mother: "Must you wear the same thing everyday? I buy you clothes for your birthday and you never wear them."
St. Thomas More's mother: "Why did I agree to send you to law school?!"
I wonder if young master Jesus ever attempted to miraculously clean his room rather than clean it as we must.