December 23, 2007

When parody comes true

BAL HARBOUR, Fla. — A baby Jesus statue, part of a Nativity scene here, will be equipped with a Global Positioning System after the disappearance of a previous statue, which had been bolted down.

"I don't anticipate this will ever happen again," said Dina Cellini, who oversees the display, "but we may need to rely on technology to save our savior."

The Mary and Joseph statues will also be fitted with GPS devices, she said. The devices are being bought with residents' contributions and Cellini's own money. Cellini has also installed a Plexiglas screen in front of the display.

Since this is a real story it looks like once again I have been involved with prophetic parody. One year ago today I wrote the following parody.

 

Do you know where you Baby Jesus in your Nativity set is? With the rash of Baby Jesus thefts across the country whether it be public or private land how can you be sure? Do your check your lawn often fearing some Nativity scene napper with who know what nefarious scheme? Or perchance that it will be stolen only to be returned later with glued on devil horns as happened recently in Norwalk, Connecticut. Have you considered even resorting to using a chain attached to the leg of the Baby Jesus regardless of the aesthetics of this act?

If so you might consider our new product - Find Jesus®! Our plastic Baby Jesus plastic doll product Find Jesus® comes with and embedded GPS transmitter, external antenna, and combined with our unique receiver you will know where it is at all time. You won't be omnipresence, but you will know where Jesus is at all time. No more late night worries or concerns will plague you.

This GPS loop transmitting antenna cleverly disguised as a halo will ensure that you can track your Baby Jesus no matter where it is taken

The provided GPS receiver will help you track down your property if it does come up missing. This small compact unit will give you an exact location at every moment. If it detects that it has been moved from the preset position an alarm is sounded immediately. Simply follow the onscreen and audible instructions to retrieve your Baby Jesus or to provide the police with its location. Jesus tells the parable of the lost sheep which he was willing to go look for and find. Return the favor and Find Jesus®.

You might wonder how we can offer such compact and beyond state of the art technology? We have developed a new process called Niño Technology. Niño Technology provides very small programmed machines that operate the receiver and transmitter.

So do you know where your Baby Jesus is? You will if you have Find Jesus®

Posted by Jeff Miller at December 23, 2007 8:05 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Jeff, you should start filing patents for your ideas, no matter how absurd they are.

Posted by ThePerpetualMalcontent email at December 23, 2007 8:31 PM

Maybe next year you can write a parody about liturgists losing their Marty Haugen sheet music, and priestesses losing their ponchos.

Posted by Ed Pie email at December 23, 2007 9:42 PM

You ain't right...

Fr. Philip

Posted by PNP, OP email at December 23, 2007 11:42 PM

"Have you considered even resorting to using a chain attached to the leg of the Baby Jesus regardless of the atheistic of this act?"

Is that an example of a spell checker gone bad?

I assume that should have said "regardless of the aesthetics of this act?"

Posted by Cody email at December 24, 2007 12:45 AM

Niño Technology-- isn't that caused by global warming?

Posted by Margaret email at December 24, 2007 4:32 AM

Patents would be a very good idea

Posted by Joe email at December 24, 2007 2:10 PM

Life imitates art, yet again. Congratulations!

You came up with the 21st century version of the Baby Jesus television light/antenna (from "Plastic Jesus"), "easing eyestrain, and bringing in better reception".

Posted by Jim C. email at December 24, 2007 9:22 PM

ON THE OTHER HAND

Check out this story in my local paper for the real deal Christmas spirit. It is the same church and the same baby Jesus.

http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071224/NEWS01/312240033/-1/all

Merry Christmas --

Gail in Cincinnati

Posted by Gail email at December 25, 2007 3:45 PM

Jeff, we had our own "parody" at both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day Masses. Our priest put on a 1-man play pretending to be the innkeeper who had no room. All I could do was sit there and pray and pray and pray. I wanted to cry that he would do such a thing. Of course, some of the older ladies just loved it! Sometimes, I wish I could stop learning more about the church. Once I was so blissfully ignorant!
God bless, Happy Holy Days!

Posted by Madonna email at December 26, 2007 9:52 AM
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