July 25, 2005
Ave Maria University revises plan
In late March of 2004 the design of the church for Ave Maria took heat from pundits (including me) for both an ugly design and the silliness of creating a glass building in Florida.
With the announcement of a newer design for the oratory critics are still not happy. Though critics have decided that it sucks less than the original so obviously progress is being made.
The design team feed up with the comments have decided that a more traditional approach was necessary but were hesitant to totally scrap the design. To return to old time religion what better than to appeal to old time radio and thus the new design concept has been unveiled.
The interior has also been redesigned to follow the new theme.
Soon be be unveiled will be the all new "Radio Stations of the Cross" to decorate the interior. Mass reading will be read by a professional announcer unseen by the participants and a sound effects crew armed with sheet metal for thunder and other sound effect props will be used to assist the priest in bringing the homilies alive. The clip-clop sound using coconuts can be used to bring St. Paul's conversion alive just prior to his falling off a horse which of course can be followed up with the crashing sounds as he hits the ground. The new radio theme will be used to bring about radio-active participation as called for by Vatican II.
Posted by Jeff Miller at July 25, 2005 11:53 PM | TrackBackWhy am I thinking, "Please ignore the little man behind the curtain?"
Sure is an improvement though.
Posted by Meg Q email at July 26, 2005 12:49 AMJesus Rocks!
I like your parody, Jeff. Good job.
God bless, Maureen Martin
Posted by maureen martin email at July 26, 2005 1:50 AMBrilliant!
The Shrine of Saints Amos and Andrew
Posted by kronprinz1918 email at July 26, 2005 6:44 AMYou, sir, have way too much free time on your hands.
Posted by Ron Rolling email at July 26, 2005 9:17 AMThere should be something like the Richter Scale for bad church architecture. 10 would be Our Lady of the Armadillo (LA cathedral) and 0 would be St. Mary Major in Rome.
How to rate these designs? Original=9 Current=7.5. Can we try for a rating under 5?
Posted by Fr. Erik Richtsteig email at July 26, 2005 10:02 AMActually, I'm afraid to say it, but I like your design better than the real one. Perhaps you could use dials on the front to select liturgies and homilists. Turn to the left for John Shelby Spong or liturgical dancers in clown suits; turn to the right for a radical traditionalist and a mass in koine greek.
Posted by Not Yet Catholic email at July 26, 2005 11:46 AMWhat great vacuum tubes! Maybe call it the Church of the Holy Pentode??? (Whapsters take note!)
Chesterton somewhere wrote that we ought to write in CAPITAL letters the "CATHOLIC SCIENCE OF ELECTRICITY" - there were indeed many Catholics among the great pioneers of the discipline: Galvani, Volta, Ampere, Coulomb, Marconi... In that list are possibly the two Catholics whose names appear in more places than any others - can you see which? Find a spare battery somewhere, or the back of your computer, and see for yourself...
Somewhere I read a story about Ozanam (who started the Society for the Propagation of the Faith) in a time of doubt and depression went into a church struggling over his role in life - and saw AMPERE kneeling there saying a rosary!!! which turned his life around. (I cannot get the ref. just now; I will hunt for it.)
Posted by DoctorThursday email at July 26, 2005 12:06 PMLOL.
You have quite the keen eye, Jeff. Hopefully the presense of vacuum tubes indicates that the liturgy celebrated there will predate transistors too.
Posted by Rick Lugari email at July 26, 2005 1:12 PMI actually like the new design. Am I the only one?
Posted by BillyHW email at July 26, 2005 1:37 PMThanks for the laugh Jeff! I need it after reading Isreal foreign minister's absurd attack on the Pope.
Posted by St. Peter's Helpers email at July 26, 2005 2:27 PMA church should exalt, but it's what goes on in it that matters. Better a good vicar under a tree outdoors than a bad vicar in the finest cathedral, seems to me.
Funny and incomprehensible modernist assaults on the aesthetic sensibilities, however, sometimes imply that you might anticipate funny and incomprehensible modernist assaults on theology.
Posted by Murel Bailey email at July 26, 2005 3:24 PMIt looks like it has hydroencephalitis.
Posted by Dylan email at July 26, 2005 4:25 PMY'know, the new one does have the profile of a cartoon rocket, but Naples is nowhere near Cape Canaveral.
I think it really REALLY is too much to ask that churches look like churches. I know this is a stretch and all.
Posted by Tammy email at July 26, 2005 5:08 PMYikes. If it had a steeple it would at least be androgynous.
Posted by Paula R. Robinson MD email at July 26, 2005 5:25 PMCan we get Bruce Buffa to announce the Passion on Palm Sunday and Good Friday? "Let's get ready to RUUUUMMMMBBBBLLLLLLLLE!"
Posted by Anthony email at July 26, 2005 8:04 PMI wheezed when I saw your design! The other does look like a cartoon rocket ship. Where do these people come from? If they think this is funny, I'm not laughing....except at your new design Jeff.
Posted by Lucy email at July 27, 2005 1:27 AMThis may just be me, but this doesn't look much like a different design at all so much as the old design actually polished up and completed.
Posted by Justice email at July 27, 2005 4:15 AMA fantastic critique! Kudos! I was really disappointed that AMU chose such an odd design for their chapel when they had such a wealth of Catholic tradition to draw upon!
Posted by Paul Lew email at July 27, 2005 5:44 AMNo, BillyHW, you are not the only one who likes the new design. Contemporary doesn't have to mean ugly, and I wouldn't consider this design to be super-contemporary anyway. Yet, some people will never be pleased until it is in some "acceptable" style such as gothic, romanesque, or early basilica. Nevermind that those styles have absolutely nothing to do with modern construction technology. I love historic architecture. I'm an architect with a minor in historic preservation. But, do you know how they would build one of those things today? For starters, there wouldn't be any 3 foot thick stone walls. Steel structure and a nice thin veneer of stone on the outside. Is that really what we want to represent our Church? Fake, retro kitsch?
Posted by tara email at July 27, 2005 12:04 PMOhhhh - they're vacuum tubes. I thought they were multiple tabernacles.....
Posted by Not Yet Catholic email at July 27, 2005 12:18 PMTHAT is friggin' hilarious!
Posted by Jay Anderson email at July 27, 2005 12:38 PMOkay, call me a philistine but I actually like the design.
Posted by dymphna email at July 27, 2005 7:46 PMdawn made me come here - after my internet security software blocked your site for sexual content, i had to go thru 6 steps to unblock you ... but it was worth it - the church looks like my old emerson radio, and the tabernacles really rock
Posted by uncle jim email at July 27, 2005 9:53 PMLord, forgive us our transistors, as we forgive the transistors of others.
Posted by Janjan email at July 28, 2005 9:25 AM