August 24, 2003
Diet Catholicism®
Introducing new Diet Catholicism® . Are you a cultural Catholic and enjoy some of the outward practices of Catholicism but that dogma aftertaste just bothers your conscience? Then try Diet Catholicism® "Smells and Bells, but no talk about Hell."
After all two thirds of the earth is covered with water, up to 60 percent of your body is water. So what is better for your body than a 100 percent watered down faith.
Trying to keep doctrines out of your diet and want to avoid that conscience bloat from Real Catholicism® then give yourself a break. Enjoy Catholicism without all that obedience and changing your life stuff. Live your life like you want to with no guilt trip to weigh you down.
Do encyclicals and statements from the Vatican give you gas? Does just the thought of Cardinal Ratzinger give you heartburn? Then your ready for the drink of the Me generation. Warmed over, bland, and totally nonjudgmental on your taste buds.
We taste tested are product on prominent Catholic Politicians and here is what they had to say.
I can drink a full liter of this refreshing product on Sundays
and still confidently say with no qualms "I am unapologetically Pro-Abortion".
--Gray Davis
Terminates your thirst and it really pumps you up. I can pronounce
anti-church views and still proudly identify myself with the Catholic Church.
My in laws have been drinking it for years.
--Arnold Swartenegger
Sometimes I get a little dry mouth when voting no against the
latest partial birth abortion ban, but a swig of Diet Catholicism® and
I am back on track.
--Tom Daschle
So pick up a Diet Catholicism® daily and swallow me.
| Surgeon General's Warning: Diet Catholicism® is not to be mixed with the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Side effects can include knowledge of the faith, orthodoxy, and obedience to the Pope. |
You need a theme song! To the tune of "I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing (It's The Real Thing - Coke Is)
I'd like to teach Cath-lics to sing
Marty Haugen-ly
To mold their faith and their beliefs
To match society
Look at all the Cath-o-lic
Politicians being paid
To renounce Cath-lic beliefs
And uphold Roe v. Wade
It’s the Real Catholicism
That's the way it should be...
Mighty Barrister,
Marty Haugen-ly - Egads, a pox on that thought.
Oherwise a very funny parody.
Posted by Jeff Miller email at August 25, 2003 9:34 PMActually, surveys have shown that most nominal Catholics prefer the old '80s drink, Catholicism Free.
Posted by William Ferguson email at September 1, 2003 4:29 PMWhile my own morality has a tendency to clash with Catholic doctrine (and Christian tradition in general), I have to say I agree fully with what seems to be the sentiment of this. If a person is going to proclaim belief in something, they'd best believe it 100%.
Posted by psykitty email at April 19, 2005 6:41 PM